If you consider that to be a truth in all of your communications, you will avoid potential conflict. Many times somebody says something that offends you at some level, and your first reaction is to…well…react. React with anger, confusion, and maybe ridicule.

If you stop to consider, however, that the person may not have intentionally offended you and that it’s human nature to state something without fully considering the implications, you may avoid a confrontation.

I recently shared a suggestion with a group of people by email. One person responded with a number of reasons why my suggestion wouldn’t work. The person even provided some additional problems in the response that loosely applied to the group, but really didn’t have anything to do with the topic.

I don’t know the person very well, and I truly believe they were attempting to provide helpful information. I don’t believe they intended to be insulting, and certainly not confrontational. However, the person probably didn’t spend a second considering how their message could be considered offensive.

After reflecting on the truth that people don’t think before they speak, I decided to respond politely and welcoming. I told the person I valued their information, and I suggested they should continue to communicate with me.

So what was the result? This person and I are still communicating effectively, and after this person shared their “helpful” information with the group, they no longer have a need to be directly engaged on the original topic.

Facilitation is a special form of meeting leadership intended to help make a period of transition easier for the organization. A facilitator can be used for special meetings within your organization that are expected to be contentious and emotionally charged. Facilitation helps businesses work through conflict.

The facilitator is a person who has strong communication skills, objectivity, and persistence. The facilitator is a neutral third party who helps manage conflict by providing process leadership and process development. Many businesses use facilitation as a proactive way to prevent conflict.

The facilitator’s skills handling difficult people, exploring creative solutions, and reaching agreement will help your organization tackle its challenges while ensuring participation from all people who have an interest in the conflict. The facilitation process empowers people to take ownership over the conflict and develop their own solutions.

The facilitator is a neutral third party who helps manage conflict by providing process leadership and process development. Many businesses use facilitation as a proactive way to prevent conflict.

Why is a facilitator a good choice to help a business manage conflict? Because a facilitator is familiar with conflict and conflict management, is a neutral person on the challenges, and is sensitive to the emotions involved. The facilitator’s skills help the organization alleviate tension while getting past individual agendas.

Facilitators are expected to have strong group process skills, interpersonal skills, communications skills, conflict-resolution skills, and the ability to create and maintain a non-threatening environment. These include:

• soliciting participation and contributions of thoughts and feelings from all participants;
• developing and sharing individual knowledge;
• keeping the groups on task;
• keeping the groups focused on appropriate and useful outcomes;
• maintaining an environment where comments are valued and group participants are treated with fairness, equity and respect;
• modeling positive professional attitude
• being objective
• being observant

Facilitators will ensure that responses are developed for recommendations regarding:

• Innovative ideas, practices and opportunities
• What else/who else should be consulted/considered
• Cautions and concerns
• Policy and practice recommendations

I forgot in kindergarten.

Creativity, however, can be critical to finding solutions in the negotiation process. Successful negotiations typically require us to change our thinking process in order to move us away from positions and towards exploring solutions to resolve concerns.

Fortunately, Roger von Oech has written A Whack on the Side of the Head. Von Oech takes the premise that our educational system and business environment stifle creativity. Through this book, von Oech provides illustrations, puzzles, inspirational quotes, and exercises to help us adults rediscover our creativity.

Von Oech points out that solving a problem in negotiations requires “soft thinking”, which is imagination and creativity, and “hard thinking”, which is the practical phase of decision making. Both “soft thinking” and “hard thinking” have their place. When tackling a negotiation, we should start off like an artist, using “soft thinking” skills to realize there’s more than one idea. We can then convert to being a judge, using “hard thinking” skills” to decide which ideas are acceptable and practical to implement.

A Whack on the Side of the Head provides numerous examples and great lessons to improve negotiations. The book provides great information about where and how to use “soft skills” to look at a negotiation from a different perspective.

This is a must-read book that you can buy right here.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/trainwithshane/2010/03/15/career-transition-and-the-workplace

Fortunately, there are 4 steps any business can take to implement a conflict management program.

All size companies now have more of an awareness and a willingness to manage conflict in the early stages. They recognize they can decrease the potential for conflict and litigation if they are proactive. A conflict management program would anticipate likely problems and provide a system for managing them. The goal is to build a system that enables people to “learn the art of dealing with conflict.”

Creating a conflict management program requires the following steps:

1. Assessing the existing conflict management system.
2. Designing a conflict management program that matches the needs, culture, and financial ability of your business while setting realistic targets and goals.
3. Implementing a program in a timeframe and a manner that fits the organization and its current priorities.
4. Evaluating the program by identifying and creating appropriate benchmarking within an appropriate timeline.

What can we learn from this article on Israel & Palestine about negotiation strategies? Plenty.

There are three points that the article presents that anyone would find helpful in tough negotiations.

First, the Israelis and Palestinians have decided to move backwards to communicate indirectly through a mediator. It’s a positive negotiation strategy to recognize that what you’ve been doing isn’t working and a change is needed. If in you’re negotiations you get bogged down in positions (instead of interests and concerns), and you allow the personalities to overshadow the problem, you need to explore another method of communication.

Second, both Mahmoud Abbas and Binyamin Netanyahu need to save face with their constituencies. In order to keep your negotiation arguments relevant and focused, you must be able to analyze the interests and concerns of the person you are negotiating with. You must know what problem they are relying upon you to fix in a way that makes them popular. If you don’t make your negotiating partner comfortable, you will not be able to move to a discussion on interests and concerns.

Third, the use of a mediator will hopefully move the parties back towards meaningful progress. The book Getting to Yesis primarily devoted to the idea that you should not negotiate over positions; rather, you should focus on interests and concerns. A mediator helps parties develop an acceptable procedure and benchmark for advancement that’s separate from their independent positions. by Roger Fisher and William Ury

There are 5.5 ways to negotiate against yourself, which I detail below.

Before entering a negotiation, you must be prepared to argue both sides. You have to be objective and be able to criticize your own position. Law school Professor James W. McElhaney, writes, “There is a natural burden of proof for virtually every set of circumstances you can imagine. People, hearing the story of any case, automatically test it against their attitudes, their beliefs, their life experiences. And if the facts of a case don’t mesh with people’s “inner scripts,” they either figure there is more to the story, or it didn’t happen the way you say it did. … And once they think they understand what did and didn’t happen, it’s difficult to get them to change their minds.”[1]

When you negotiate against yourself as part of your preparation, you are forced to determine what are your real interests and concerns. Therefore, follow these tips before entering the negotiations:

1. Objectively criticize your own position and analyze the weak points
2. Determine your true interests and concerns
3. Start exploring what position you want to take in the negotiations
4. Determine whether your position truly meets your interests and concerns
5. Prepare your response to any objections

     5.5 Explore other possible positions as options if your primary position isn’t successful in the negotiations.

 http://www.tabletmag.com/news-and-politics/24895/herzliya-diary/

In order to keep your negotiation arguments relevant and focused, you must be able to analyze the interests and concerns of the person you are negotiating with and apply your arguments to that person’s interest and concerns. This requires answering four questions: 

1. What are the things the other person wants from you?
2. What problem are they relying upon you to fix?
3. How do they think you can improve their situation?
4. What are the two or three most compelling reasons that your position addresses their interest and concerns?

If you fail to address the other person’s interest and concerns, they shall tune out, and your negotiation will most likely be unsuccessful.