If you consider that to be a truth in all of your communications, you will avoid potential conflict. Many times somebody says something that offends you at some level, and your first reaction is to…well…react. React with anger, confusion, and maybe ridicule.

If you stop to consider, however, that the person may not have intentionally offended you and that it’s human nature to state something without fully considering the implications, you may avoid a confrontation.

I recently shared a suggestion with a group of people by email. One person responded with a number of reasons why my suggestion wouldn’t work. The person even provided some additional problems in the response that loosely applied to the group, but really didn’t have anything to do with the topic.

I don’t know the person very well, and I truly believe they were attempting to provide helpful information. I don’t believe they intended to be insulting, and certainly not confrontational. However, the person probably didn’t spend a second considering how their message could be considered offensive.

After reflecting on the truth that people don’t think before they speak, I decided to respond politely and welcoming. I told the person I valued their information, and I suggested they should continue to communicate with me.

So what was the result? This person and I are still communicating effectively, and after this person shared their “helpful” information with the group, they no longer have a need to be directly engaged on the original topic.

Facilitation is a special form of meeting leadership intended to help make a period of transition easier for the organization. A facilitator can be used for special meetings within your organization that are expected to be contentious and emotionally charged. Facilitation helps businesses work through conflict.

The facilitator is a person who has strong communication skills, objectivity, and persistence. The facilitator is a neutral third party who helps manage conflict by providing process leadership and process development. Many businesses use facilitation as a proactive way to prevent conflict.

The facilitator’s skills handling difficult people, exploring creative solutions, and reaching agreement will help your organization tackle its challenges while ensuring participation from all people who have an interest in the conflict. The facilitation process empowers people to take ownership over the conflict and develop their own solutions.

The facilitator is a neutral third party who helps manage conflict by providing process leadership and process development. Many businesses use facilitation as a proactive way to prevent conflict.

Why is a facilitator a good choice to help a business manage conflict? Because a facilitator is familiar with conflict and conflict management, is a neutral person on the challenges, and is sensitive to the emotions involved. The facilitator’s skills help the organization alleviate tension while getting past individual agendas.

Facilitators are expected to have strong group process skills, interpersonal skills, communications skills, conflict-resolution skills, and the ability to create and maintain a non-threatening environment. These include:

• soliciting participation and contributions of thoughts and feelings from all participants;
• developing and sharing individual knowledge;
• keeping the groups on task;
• keeping the groups focused on appropriate and useful outcomes;
• maintaining an environment where comments are valued and group participants are treated with fairness, equity and respect;
• modeling positive professional attitude
• being objective
• being observant

Facilitators will ensure that responses are developed for recommendations regarding:

• Innovative ideas, practices and opportunities
• What else/who else should be consulted/considered
• Cautions and concerns
• Policy and practice recommendations

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/trainwithshane/2010/03/15/career-transition-and-the-workplace

1. You can control your emotions by controlling your actions. When you force yourself to behave in a certain way, even if you don’t feel it, the action creates the emotion. As an example, if you force yourself to treat someone you don’t like with love and respect, you will slowly begin to appreciate and care for them. It is also true that if you ignore and rarely show appreciation for someone, you will continue to progressively dislike them. Therefore, you are choosing your emotions by choosing your actions. You have the ability to change your choices.

2. The foundation of every relationship and interaction you have is the “desire to know”. He counsels his children that “curiosity is the soul of every relationship.” Much of Boteach’s advice is based on the premise that you have to find ways to be stimulated every day, and your relationships and interactions are a source of stimulation. Make those around you aware that you respect them, that you are curious about them, and that they are contributing to making your day unique.

3. The world will be a kinder, gentler place if we each honor and exhibit what Boteach identifies as the “feminine qualities” we all have within ourselves, such as peacefulness, tenderness, nurturing, and relationship-building. Boteach says, “Men lived by the sword and became known for their violent exploits. Little by little, however, as civilization progressed, allowing spirituality to spread, a more feminine world began to emerge. Suddenly people began to question the old notions. Maybe might didn’t make right after all, they said.” He believes that civilization continued along that path for hundreds of years, and now seems to be going back to “raw masculinity and savagery”. Some of you may look at nurturing your own peaceful and nurturing tendencies as being weak. It’s not weak, however, to be patient and to not immediately react with anger and violence. In fact, it takes great strength to dig deeper and reflect in order to explore, and perhaps understand, a perspective different from your own.

4. Show the people around you that you know you make mistakes and that you are seeking forgiveness. Furthermore, you should be willing to forgive those people who are seeking forgiveness from you. Becoming angry is a part of your relationships, and you need to communicate when you are angry, which provides the person an opportunity to apologize and to correct the action. Boteach teaches you should be willing to forgive, not just to make the other person feel better and to maintain the relationship. He believes the primary reason for forgiveness is for yourself, so that you don’t let the feelings poison you over time. Boteach says, “An unforgiving heart is a heavy heart. When you don’t forgive someone, you become bitter, and that feeling festers, affecting you more than it affects them. When you forgive, the one you are truly freeing is yourself.”

Fortunately, there are 4 steps any business can take to implement a conflict management program.

All size companies now have more of an awareness and a willingness to manage conflict in the early stages. They recognize they can decrease the potential for conflict and litigation if they are proactive. A conflict management program would anticipate likely problems and provide a system for managing them. The goal is to build a system that enables people to “learn the art of dealing with conflict.”

Creating a conflict management program requires the following steps:

1. Assessing the existing conflict management system.
2. Designing a conflict management program that matches the needs, culture, and financial ability of your business while setting realistic targets and goals.
3. Implementing a program in a timeframe and a manner that fits the organization and its current priorities.
4. Evaluating the program by identifying and creating appropriate benchmarking within an appropriate timeline.

It’s conflict resolution vs. conflict management.

In my opinion, the real goal for the business owner is conflict management, not conflict resolution. A goal of eliminating, avoiding, and suppressing conflict is an unrealistic dream. Rather, the focus should be on managing the conflict and providing tools and methods for employees to effectively engage in conflict.

Conflict costs businesses an excessive amount of time, money, and energy. In order to manage the conflict, your focus should be on developing employees’ abilities and providing methodology to raise and address conflict efficiently, effectively, and respectfully.

You should be creating a Conflict Management System that focuses on three major components:

• Skills – Providing training that improves basic communication, interpersonal, and conflict management skills.
• Structure – A set of procedures that establish methods for reporting conflict, for investigating a complaint, and for discovering solutions.
• Support – The business or organization needs to provide support for the system by modeling and mentoring conflict management skills as well as following the procedures fairly and completely.

Manage stress in the workplace

Studies suggest that workplace stress costs U.S. employers an estimated $200 billion per year. The costs are related to absenteeism, lower productivity, employee turnover, workers’ compensation, medical insurance, and other related expenses.

 Research has shown that some workplace stress is related to conflict. The sources of conflict can be due to:

• Management Style. Employees don’t participate in decision-making and poor communication.
• Interpersonal Relationships. Poor social environment and communication, lack of support from coworkers and supervisors, and differing opinions.

 Here are 3.5 ways to manage stress in the workplace due to conflict:

 1. Managing stress is a very personal thing, and you should take responsibility for improving your physical and emotional well-being. Learn techniques to help monitor your thinking to replace negative thoughts with more positive coping statements and to manage your reactions to people and situations. Improve your communication skills and assertiveness so you are comfortable speaking to others about your own needs and wants and so you are effective in giving positive and negative feedback to others.

 2. During times of conflict, you will probably discover which of your friends are supportive, which ones disappear when you need their assistance, and which ones try to convince you that you are making mistakes. It is important to control who is surrounding you. Get rid of the toxic relationships and hold on to those who provide you emotional support.

 3. During times of conflict, it’s very easy to blame yourself for the conflict, lack confidence in yourself, and feel vulnerable and out control. Find ways to provide yourself positive thoughts. Read positive thinking books, talk to a therapist, talk with supportive friends, read positive quotes of great people, and surround yourself with posters and cards bearing positive messages.

 3.5. It’s very easy to convince yourself you don’t have time, energy, or money to do something for yourself when you are working through a conflict. It is important, however, to exercise and plan leisure activities to take care of yourself. It doesn’t matter if they are small and inexpensive action steps. The point is that you have to maintain your health and productivity, and you need activities you look forward to participating in.