Help People Develop Their Collaborative Skills

Posted By on November 20th

In order to be collaborative, to build consensus, and to manage conflict, a leader has to spend time and effort developing other employees. You should help people develop their collaborative skills.

MP900448478 300x200 Help People Develop Their Collaborative Skills

In an article by Mary Jo Asmus (@mjasmus), Asmus discusses how critically important it is for you to develop others in your business or organization. In my work, I speak a lot about “Collaborative Relationships”, where employees are able to communicate and work together effectively. The effective results are happening because everybody is asserting their wants and needs and everybody is working hard to fulfill everybody’s wants and needs.

This type of organizational culture filled with “Collaborative Relationships” is hard work. Leaders need to model the behavior and develop that shared attitude amongst their team.

I especially agree with Asmus’s assessment, “(The best leaders) know that when everyone leads, organizational performance increases and innovation, creativity and output improve.” Employees feel valued, they want to work in that environment, and they assume ownership and responsibility for the success of the organization’s mission and vision.

You can read the full article here.

Do you agree that developing leaders in your organization is a valuable use of your time? Do you see the benefit in helping them develop their collaborative skills?

Are you interested in learning more about how to resolve a conflict?What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 Help People Develop Their Collaborative Skills

Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

Weathering The Conflict Storm

Posted By on November 18th

Today is a “weather the storm” kind of day in Southwest Florida. It’s not your normal sunshiny Florida day. Rather, it’s gloomy, drizzling, and cold. And it’s only going to get colder during the day as a cold snap is coming through.

I don’t like cold, rainy days. However, I know that I can successfully weather the storm. After the rain, there will be a rainbow. Possibly two rainbows.

double rainbow 300x225 Weathering The Conflict Storm

Just like cold, rainy days, conflict makes me uncomfortable, but conflict doesn’t make me feel desperate or defeated. I know that good can come from conflict that can be positive. And I look forward to the challenges, to finding ways to make something positive happen.

Weather the storm, persevere, and look for those rainbows.

Are you interested in learning more about how to resolve a conflict?

Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!

To Have Conflict Management Success, Think Differently

Posted By on November 11th

In order to have conflict management success, you have to be able to think differently than you normally would. Solutions to conflict are typically right in front of us. We just need to be willing to be creative.

MP900448464 To Have Conflict Management Success, Think Differently

In an article by Ekaterina Walter (@Ekaterina), the reader is posed with the question: when do adults lose imagination and creativity? My answer to that question is what I call the “curse of knowledge”. We make decisions quickly and efficiently based on information we think we know and assumptions we hold.

It’s easy not to do the difficult thinking and to look at circumstances with a different perspective, a new set of eyes.

Walter goes on to discuss the value of being creative and the recognized need for creativity in the corporate world. She also shares four excellent tips from Erik Wahl, the author of Unthink: Rediscover Your Creative Genius in order “to inject a healthy disorder (in our lives) to remain progressive”.

  1. Step Outside Your Bubble
  2. Live With Some Discomfort
  3. Ask Forgiveness Instead of Permission
  4. Start Small

From my perspective, “Start Small” and “Live With Some Discomfort” are the two big takeaways for somebody who does not perceive themselves as being creative. I highlight them because creativity comes incrementally. You have to start somewhere, and you can’t have grandiose expectations because you will immediately be disenchanted. Expect (even slightly enjoy) the discomfort and take a small step that’s different than what you would normally do.

You can read the full article here.

How do you feel about making a small change outside of your comfort zone? You can answer in the comments below, and we can also continue the discussion on Twitter @ksgrossman.

Interested in learning more about how to resolve a conflict?

What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 To Have Conflict Management Success, Think DifferentlyEmail me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

Wimbledon’s Conflict Management Story

Posted By on October 7th

What was this year’s conflict management story at Wimbledon?

tennis Pixabay 63733 640 Wimbledons Conflict Management Story

In an article by Ben Rothenberg (@BenRothenberg) about negotiating time for Centre Court at Wimbledon, it is evident that running a sporting event of that magnitude also has conflict on the administrative side.

I teach people that to have a successful negotiation, everybody involved should be cooperative, assertive, and thankful, which can be remembered by the acronym “CAT” (Cooperative, Assertive, Thankful).

This article about negotiating time at Wimbledon shows those exact “CAT” features were part of the negotiation, which provides a great example of using Peace Chest skills. Venus Williams participated in the negotiations, and her statements exemplify the Peace Chest skills in action. Venus said:

“The tone of the conversation wasn’t really, ‘Oh, you didn’t do this and that,’ It was: ‘Thank you for all the things you’ve done, and you’ve been so wonderful about listening to the players — both men and women — that we’d like to voice our concern on this arena.’ ”

“I think the situation has to be win-win for everyone. No one likes to be pushed around, whether it’s a group or a person. I think if everyone can find a way that makes sense, then it’s a win-win. No one should feel like they’ve lost at the end of the day. I like to make friends.”

As you can see from Venus’ statements, she wanted to find a solution acceptable for everybody, that fulfilled everybody’s wants and needs. This is certainly an example of being cooperative. She also made sure the wants and needs of the women she represented were shared and discussed. This is an example of her being assertive.

You can also see from her statements everybody appreciated the hard work they were all putting in to find an acceptable solution. In her description of the negotiations, she is very gracious about her negotiation partners.

You can read the full article here.

What do you think of how Wimbledon officials and the players resolved their negotiations? Do you believe it was a win-win? You can answer in the comments below, and we can also continue the discussion on Twitter @ksgrossman.

Interested in learning more about how to resolve a conflict?

What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 Wimbledons Conflict Management StoryEmail me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

Can You Resolve a Conflict With a Compliment Sandwich?

Posted By on September 30th

Mark Murphy, CEO of LeadershipIQ (@LeadershipIQ), basically takes the position that a “compliment sandwich” is a terrible technique and not effective to resolve a conflict.

RCN Keyword resolve a conflict 500 iStock 000008392553Medium Can You Resolve a Conflict With a Compliment Sandwich?

First, what is a “compliment sandwich”? It is a popular technique that came to the attention of managers many years ago. As Mark Murphy describes it, it is a way of trying to criticize somebody without making them feel bad.

He does not like it because he says that it obscures the actual purpose of the conversation, which is to provide the other person feedback for the purpose of changing their behavior. Murphy believes that the receiver will only remember the two compliments that sandwich the request to change behavior. They won’t actually absorb the important part of the conversation.

Although I agree somewhat with Murphy, I do believe that a “compliment sandwich” has its place. For example, if the negative behavior you’re looking to change is minimal, I see no problem with sandwiching it with two strong compliments so that the person feels very positive about the conversation.

If the negative behavior that needs to be changed is more critical, then you absolutely don’t want that part of the discussion to get lost. You want them to clearly understand the need to change the negative behavior, and you also want them to know that they are a valued member of the team. As Murphy suggests, you can emphasize that you are speaking with them for the greater good, and that you are still cheering for their success. You don’t have to stick to the technicality, however, of sandwiching it between two confirmations. You just have to make sure that your two goals are met: 1) emphasize the need for changed behavior and 2) have a positive conversation.

You can read Murphy’s full article here and watch a video about the “compliment sandwich” technique here.

What do you think of the “compliment sandwich”? Do you believe it is an effective technique for changing behavior? You can answer in the comments below, and we can also continue the discussion on Twitter @ksgrossman

Interested in learning more about how to resolve a conflict?

Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 Can You Resolve a Conflict With a Compliment Sandwich?

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

Forgiveness For Resolving Conflict

Posted By on September 5th

Two Amish sisters were kidnapped in mid-August from their family’s New York vegetable stand. It was reported that the two girls were sexually abused before being set free and returning home.

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These types of stories are always tragic and disturbing. What makes this situation different is the family’s use of forgiveness for resolving conflict. The family did not express anger towards the suspects; rather, they expressed sadness for them.

Being quick to forgive is not unusual for the Amish. They have a history of forgiveness when faced with this kind of horrifying behavior. In 2006, a 32-year-old man walked into an Amish school in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, and he shot 10 young girls. Five of the girls died. The man then killed himself.

It is reported that during the horrifying incident, the man asked the girls to pray for him and to give him mercy. The girls in turn granted him mercy and asked that he pray for them too.

That night, members of the Amish community came to the home of the man’s mother and expressed forgiveness. Forgiveness for her son, and forgiveness for their family. Some of the victims’ families even attended the man’s funeral.

The mother said, “There are not words to describe how that made us feel that day. For the mother and father who had lost not just one but two daughters at the hand of our son, to come up and be the first ones to greet us — wow. Is there anything in this life that we should not forgive?”

In an article by Donald B. Kraybill for The Christian Science Monitor in 2007, Kraybill writes, “For most people, a decision to forgive comes – if ever – at the end of a long emotional journey that may stretch over months if not years. The Amish invert the process. Their religious tradition predisposes them to forgive even before an injustice occurs.”

The Amish do not believe in revenge and look at forgiveness as a religious duty. The Amish recognize that all humans have faults, feelings, and family members. They do believe in consequences; they just leave determination of those consequences to God. They believe that people who do evil things (as well as their family members) are victims of the evil behavior as well.

They also believe that it’s important to provide actions of forgiveness in addition to words of forgiveness, as evidenced by their behavior after the 2007 school shooting.

In a research paper written for the American Journal of Mediation, Jonathan Kooker writes, “The Amish believe in forgiveness serves as a peaceful method for effecting successful negotiations and mediation. It serves the purpose of spreading a nonviolent response to conflict while engaging in meaningful interaction with adversaries.”

What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 Forgiveness For Resolving ConflictWould you like to learn more about working with forgiveness for resolving conflict?

Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

Your initial consultation is free!What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 Forgiveness For Resolving Conflict

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

– See more at: http://www.resolvingconflictsnow.com/#sthash.6aurtQs6.dpuf

Would you like to learn more about working through your fear or pain?  Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516. – See more at: http://www.resolvingconflictsnow.com/#sthash.6aurtQs6.dpuf

Conflict Management Success Stories

Posted By on August 20th

Scilla Elworthy can share a lot of conflict management success stories. Dr. Elworthy is a distinguished activist for peace and has been nominated three times for the Nobel Peace Prize. The mission for her global projects has always been to help facilitate peace where conflict dominates.

Based on her experience, she has a number of important thoughts about managing conflict that she shares in this Ted Talks video.

Scilla Elworthy Conflict Management Success Stories

She starts with the question, “How do we deal with extreme violence without using force in return?”

She explains that using force against force doesn’t work. She explains that she has collected a half-dozen methods that do work.

The first one she highlights is what I call making a paradigm shift in your thinking. You have to be committed to resolving conflict with solutions instead of force. Dr. Elworthy emphasizes that the only thing we have control over is our attitude and our actions. Therefore, you need to self-analyze to determine your strengths and weaknesses when faced with conflict.

She also emphasizes that we have to master our own fear when faced with conflict. We need to recognize and work with our fear. We need to respond with thought and strategy, not with immediate reaction. At 5:57 in the video, she speaks about a strategy she uses to control her own fears.

In addition to fear, Dr. Elworthy emphasizes that we must master our anger. Don’t use anger to argue and blame; rather, use your anger to have passion and energy about the subject matter and recognize that the other people involved are also human beings doing what they think is best. In your dialogue with them, you need to acknowledge their humanity. Work on cooperating with others.

Dr. Elworthy says that the most effective way to manage conflict is to use “methods that connect people with people; that rebuild.”What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 Conflict Management Success Stories

Would you like to learn more about working with conflict management? Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle:What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

Would you like to learn more about working through your fear or pain?  Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 Conflict Management Success Stories

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

– See more at: http://www.resolvingconflictsnow.com/#sthash.WvvIyEk4.dpuf

How Do You Resolve A Conflict?

Posted By on August 1st

How do you resolve a conflict?

There are sharks all around us, so you need to be prepared to manage them by building your Peace Chest. This is our annual salute to Shark Week.

shark week How Do You Resolve A Conflict?

 

Would you like to learn more about building your Peace Chest?  Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 How Do You Resolve A Conflict?

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

What Is Conflict?

Posted By on July 5th

What is conflict other than what we believe it to be in our minds?

A conflict is simply some sort of challenge and at least one other person involved, and the conflict may actually feel more threatening than it really is. In our minds, we are assigning the level of importance to the challenge. We are assigning the level of strength we believe the other person holds.

iStock 000029968920Small What Is Conflict?
You could be looking at the conflict through frightening or painful memories from past unhealthy relationships or from your childhood. Your experiences may lead you to view conflict as demoralizing, humiliating, and dangerous. You may feel powerless when faced with conflict.

Many times, you should actually engage conflict. Find a way to resolve it. Find a way to turn the negative into something positive. Rely upon healthy options for working through your fear or pain.

If you are trying to manage conflict with a deep-seeded fear of the outcome, you usually create the outcome you fear.

Would you like to learn more about working through your fear or pain?  Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 What Is Conflict?

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting. – See more at: http://www.resolvingconflictsnow.com/#sthash.dvuTqJ4U.dpuf

How To Talk To Someone You Hate

Posted By on June 20th

There are a lot of people that come into your life, and you need to know how to talk to someone you hate. You need to know what to say without enabling and escalating conflict.

Someone to Hate iStock 000002686434Small How To Talk To Someone You Hate

Here are the worst ways to respond:

  •  Thinking your way is the only way. What does this look like?
    • statements that lock you into extreme positions you can’t back out of
    • stating facts that support your views while scanning the other person’s statements for evidence of lies, bad intent, and ignorance
    • asking few genuine questions
    • making assumptions about the meanings, intentions, and values of the other person without clarifying
  • Responding with unmanaged emotions. What does this look like?
    • anger, flippancy, or disinterest
    • frequently interrupting
    • personal attacks
  • Blaming others. What does this look like?
    • preaching; moralizing
    • making statements like: “This is not my fault” and “This was your responsibility”
  • Jumping to punishment. What does this look like?
    • ordering; commanding
    • threatening

Would you like to know more about the best way to talk to someone you hate? Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 How To Talk To Someone You Hate

Interested in developing the skills to effectively prevent conflict and de-escalate existing conflict? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

Are you interested in learning about managing conflict? Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 How To Talk To Someone You HateYour initial consultation is free!

Would you like to develop the skills to effectively prevent conflict and de-escalate existing conflict.

Purchase my workbook: What Is A Peace Chest?

– See more at: http://www.resolvingconflictsnow.com/#sthash.GG4IZlao.dpuf