Forgiveness For Resolving Conflict

Posted By on September 5th

Two Amish sisters were kidnapped in mid-August from their family’s New York vegetable stand. It was reported that the two girls were sexually abused before being set free and returning home.

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These types of stories are always tragic and disturbing. What makes this situation different is the family’s use of forgiveness for resolving conflict. The family did not express anger towards the suspects; rather, they expressed sadness for them.

Being quick to forgive is not unusual for the Amish. They have a history of forgiveness when faced with this kind of horrifying behavior. In 2006, a 32-year-old man walked into an Amish school in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, and he shot 10 young girls. Five of the girls died. The man then killed himself.

It is reported that during the horrifying incident, the man asked the girls to pray for him and to give him mercy. The girls in turn granted him mercy and asked that he pray for them too.

That night, members of the Amish community came to the home of the man’s mother and expressed forgiveness. Forgiveness for her son, and forgiveness for their family. Some of the victims’ families even attended the man’s funeral.

The mother said, “There are not words to describe how that made us feel that day. For the mother and father who had lost not just one but two daughters at the hand of our son, to come up and be the first ones to greet us — wow. Is there anything in this life that we should not forgive?”

In an article by Donald B. Kraybill for The Christian Science Monitor in 2007, Kraybill writes, “For most people, a decision to forgive comes – if ever – at the end of a long emotional journey that may stretch over months if not years. The Amish invert the process. Their religious tradition predisposes them to forgive even before an injustice occurs.”

The Amish do not believe in revenge and look at forgiveness as a religious duty. The Amish recognize that all humans have faults, feelings, and family members. They do believe in consequences; they just leave determination of those consequences to God. They believe that people who do evil things (as well as their family members) are victims of the evil behavior as well.

They also believe that it’s important to provide actions of forgiveness in addition to words of forgiveness, as evidenced by their behavior after the 2007 school shooting.

In a research paper written for the American Journal of Mediation, Jonathan Kooker writes, “The Amish believe in forgiveness serves as a peaceful method for effecting successful negotiations and mediation. It serves the purpose of spreading a nonviolent response to conflict while engaging in meaningful interaction with adversaries.”

What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 Forgiveness For Resolving ConflictWould you like to learn more about working with forgiveness for resolving conflict?

Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

Your initial consultation is free!What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 Forgiveness For Resolving Conflict

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

- See more at: http://www.resolvingconflictsnow.com/#sthash.6aurtQs6.dpuf

Would you like to learn more about working through your fear or pain?  Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516. – See more at: http://www.resolvingconflictsnow.com/#sthash.6aurtQs6.dpuf

Conflict Management Success Stories

Posted By on August 20th

Scilla Elworthy can share a lot of conflict management success stories. Dr. Elworthy is a distinguished activist for peace and has been nominated three times for the Nobel Peace Prize. The mission for her global projects has always been to help facilitate peace where conflict dominates.

Based on her experience, she has a number of important thoughts about managing conflict that she shares in this Ted Talks video.

Scilla Elworthy Conflict Management Success Stories

She starts with the question, “How do we deal with extreme violence without using force in return?”

She explains that using force against force doesn’t work. She explains that she has collected a half-dozen methods that do work.

The first one she highlights is what I call making a paradigm shift in your thinking. You have to be committed to resolving conflict with solutions instead of force. Dr. Elworthy emphasizes that the only thing we have control over is our attitude and our actions. Therefore, you need to self-analyze to determine your strengths and weaknesses when faced with conflict.

She also emphasizes that we have to master our own fear when faced with conflict. We need to recognize and work with our fear. We need to respond with thought and strategy, not with immediate reaction. At 5:57 in the video, she speaks about a strategy she uses to control her own fears.

In addition to fear, Dr. Elworthy emphasizes that we must master our anger. Don’t use anger to argue and blame; rather, use your anger to have passion and energy about the subject matter and recognize that the other people involved are also human beings doing what they think is best. In your dialogue with them, you need to acknowledge their humanity. Work on cooperating with others.

Dr. Elworthy says that the most effective way to manage conflict is to use “methods that connect people with people; that rebuild.”What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 Conflict Management Success Stories

Would you like to learn more about working with conflict management? Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle:What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

Would you like to learn more about working through your fear or pain?  Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 Conflict Management Success Stories

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

- See more at: http://www.resolvingconflictsnow.com/#sthash.WvvIyEk4.dpuf

How Do You Resolve A Conflict?

Posted By on August 1st

How do you resolve a conflict?

There are sharks all around us, so you need to be prepared to manage them by building your Peace Chest. This is our annual salute to Shark Week.

shark week How Do You Resolve A Conflict?

 

Would you like to learn more about building your Peace Chest?  Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 How Do You Resolve A Conflict?

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

What Is Conflict?

Posted By on July 5th

What is conflict other than what we believe it to be in our minds?

A conflict is simply some sort of challenge and at least one other person involved, and the conflict may actually feel more threatening than it really is. In our minds, we are assigning the level of importance to the challenge. We are assigning the level of strength we believe the other person holds.

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You could be looking at the conflict through frightening or painful memories from past unhealthy relationships or from your childhood. Your experiences may lead you to view conflict as demoralizing, humiliating, and dangerous. You may feel powerless when faced with conflict.

Many times, you should actually engage conflict. Find a way to resolve it. Find a way to turn the negative into something positive. Rely upon healthy options for working through your fear or pain.

If you are trying to manage conflict with a deep-seeded fear of the outcome, you usually create the outcome you fear.

Would you like to learn more about working through your fear or pain?  Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 What Is Conflict?

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting. – See more at: http://www.resolvingconflictsnow.com/#sthash.dvuTqJ4U.dpuf

How To Talk To Someone You Hate

Posted By on June 20th

There are a lot of people that come into your life, and you need to know how to talk to someone you hate. You need to know what to say without enabling and escalating conflict.

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Here are the worst ways to respond:

  •  Thinking your way is the only way. What does this look like?
    • statements that lock you into extreme positions you can’t back out of
    • stating facts that support your views while scanning the other person’s statements for evidence of lies, bad intent, and ignorance
    • asking few genuine questions
    • making assumptions about the meanings, intentions, and values of the other person without clarifying
  • Responding with unmanaged emotions. What does this look like?
    • anger, flippancy, or disinterest
    • frequently interrupting
    • personal attacks
  • Blaming others. What does this look like?
    • preaching; moralizing
    • making statements like: “This is not my fault” and “This was your responsibility”
  • Jumping to punishment. What does this look like?
    • ordering; commanding
    • threatening

Would you like to know more about the best way to talk to someone you hate? Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 How To Talk To Someone You Hate

Interested in developing the skills to effectively prevent conflict and de-escalate existing conflict? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

Are you interested in learning about managing conflict? Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 How To Talk To Someone You HateYour initial consultation is free!

Would you like to develop the skills to effectively prevent conflict and de-escalate existing conflict.

Purchase my workbook: What Is A Peace Chest?

- See more at: http://www.resolvingconflictsnow.com/#sthash.GG4IZlao.dpuf

Complete Lack of Remorse – Are We Now Seeing More Types of These Conflicts?

Posted By on June 5th

Are we now seeing more types of conflict with a complete lack of remorse?

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The world was utterly shocked this past year after hearing the story of Kimberley Davis, a 21-year-old Australian woman who slammed into a bicyclist with her car. Despite the fact that the cyclist had lights on the front and back of his bike, she still hit him from behind.

Evidence strongly suggests Davis was texting while driving; although, she denied using her phone at the time of the crash. She did plead guilty to dangerous driving.

The victim suffered a spinal fracture, broken big toe, and cuts to his head and body. The victim was told at the time of the 2013 accident that he may be paralyzed. He spent three months recovering in a hospital.

The shocking part of the story, however, is Davis’s reaction. She was livid that the bicyclist left dents in her car.

Davis told a police officer investigating the crash, “I just don’t care because I’ve already been through a lot of bullshit and my car is, like, pretty expensive and now I have to fix it. I’m kind of pissed off that the cyclist has hit the side of my car.”

How is that for no remorse?

And how about the story of the bride who wasn’t blushing after pushing her new husband off the side of a cliff and left him to die.

Jordan Linn Graham, a 22-year-old Montana woman, was convicted for murdering her husband of eight days. At sentencing, she told the judge the incident started when she wanted to confront her new husband about her marriage doubts.

She said the couple climbed down a treacherous slope below a popular spot in a park. They spoke on a narrow ledge, hundreds of feet above a ravine.

She told her husband she was unhappy, they argued, and at one point, he grabbed her by the arm, and she thought he was going to pull her. She told the judge she got angry at him, brushed his hand away, then pushed him.

“I wasn’t thinking about where we were. … I just pushed,” Graham said.

There are many reasons to question Graham’s version of the incident. What is clearly known is that Graham didn’t check on her husband after pushing him, and she didn’t immediately contact the police so that he could possibly be saved. She even attempted to hinder the investigation.

The Judge said he had continuing doubts about (Graham’s) honesty and said he was “waiting for Ms. Graham to say she was sorry for killing (her husband).”

And don’t think that this lack of remorse problem is limited to the young.

71-year-old Max Clifford was found guilty in a United Kingdom court of eight counts of sexual assault against four women aged between 15 and 19.

What was even more shocking?

During the trial, Clifford mimicked a television reporter outside the courthouse as the reporter described intimate details of the evidence and how Clifford’s victims were affected. The reporter even said Clifford had later asked him whether his news colleagues had found Clifford’s antics funny.

Do you have other stories of these types of narcissistic responses to conflict?

Are you interested in learning about managing conflict? Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at
(877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 Complete Lack of Remorse   Are We Now Seeing More Types of These Conflicts? Your initial consultation is free!

Would you like to develop the skills to effectively prevent conflict and de-escalate existing conflict? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

 

Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Resolve Conflict – Change The Lightbulb

Posted By on May 20th

Plato said, “We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”

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Many times we are looking for solutions in a small area. We are standing in darkness and afraid to look in the light. This is a huge mistake. We need to change the lightbulb to resolve conflict.

My son recently walked into my room and told me that the hallway light outside his bedroom was out. He asked me what he should do. Mind you, my son is a teenager; he should already know the answer to his question. Regardless, I told him to get a new lightbulb and change it.

A week later, my daughter, who is older than my son, came into my room and told me the hallway light was out. She asked me how I was going to fix it. I told my daughter that I had already instructed my son a week earlier to change the lightbulb.

She told me she did not know if her brother had changed the lightbulb. That did not matter to her because it was obvious to her that the light actually needed to be repaired, and it was not just the lightbulb. I insisted to her that she needed to start with changing the lightbulb.

Two days later, I noticed the hallway light was still out. Exasperated, I changed the lightbulb myself. Of course, that was the correct solution, and light replaced the darkness.

Sometimes people would rather sit in the darkness and insist they are right, rather than taking steps to illuminate the space around them. They would rather continue to do what they’ve always done rather than look for solutions they can’t easily see.

Changing your thoughts and behavior to get a different, and better, result is like changing the lightbulb. If you don’t do anything, you will continue to sit in darkness.

Interested in learning more about how to resolve conflict? Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516. Your initial consultation is free!

Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516. Your initial consultation is free!

What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 Resolve Conflict   Change The Lightbulb Would you like to develop the skills to prevent conflict and de-escalate existing conflict? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516. Your initial consultation is free!

When Faced With A Conflict, Preparation Can Be The Key

Posted By on March 31st

My son recently turned 15 years old and was ready to get his driver’s permit. What was supposed to be a “coming of age” experience turned into a “crisis” experience; he just couldn’t pass the test.

My son is extremely bright and charismatic. I think he went into the test with a sense of entitlement, meaning it didn’t occur to him that those qualities would not overcome sub-par preparation.

He was just stunned, and felt the sting of a bruised ego. I could see on his face he was going through shock, denial, acceptance.

Being in conflict is a “crisis” experience as well. When faced with a conflict, preparation can be the key. If your preparation is sub-par, and you believe you’re just going to get your way, you could be setting yourself up for shock and denial.

Are you interested in learning more about conflict management? Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!

A Conflict Management Story

Posted By on December 20th

A part of managing conflict includes engaging the conflict, not avoiding the conflict.

Greg Giesen offers a wonderful perspective on preparing to engage (or escalate) a conflict with a conflict management story in a blog post titled, When To Escalate Conflict. You can read more here.

when to escalate conflict A Conflict Management Story

Are you interested in learning more about conflict management? Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!

Conflict Management Techniques from Rep. Tim Ryan

Posted By on December 5th

Huff Post Live shares great conflict management techniques from Rep. Tim Ryan as he reflects on the gridlock in Washington, D.C.

Rep. Tim Ryan Conflict Management Conflict Management Techniques from Rep. Tim Ryan

Click on photo to watch video.

Rep. Ryan discusses action steps to de-escalate your own emotional state when in conflict. His ideas include keeping your head about you, being compassionate and empathetic, being patient, being respectful, and staying connected to your values. He characterizes this as being mindful.

He also talks about these action steps as behaviors to practice before being in conflict. If you found this post helpful, take a moment and forward it to a friend.

Would you like to learn more about conflict management techniques and how to become more mindful? Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516. Your initial consultation is free!