Pause – A Conflict Management Strategy

Posted By on December 22nd

With Christmas and New Year coming up, I want to make sure you know how valuable the Pause can be. The Pause is a conflict management strategy.

I have learned the Pause will allow you to act strategically instead of react emotionally. Take a moment when you’re in the midst of holiday insanity to remove yourself from the opinions, sniping, and disagreements. Take a walk. Close your eyes for 5 minutes.

pause

My friend, Judy, even found calm and joy in the holiday shopping experience. She reframed her thinking so that she wasn’t focused on the rushing around, long lines, and pushy people. Rather, she focused on the people who were enjoying themselves. She told me, “The music, the pleasantness, even the cashiers, were contagious.”

She continued that it’s hard to fixate on the negative things when “you have pleasantness around you.”

My friend, Andrea, relies on deep breathing techniques. “I will close my eyes, take a big deep breath, and hold it for 8 counts, and then release slowly. I breathe in the positive and exhale the negative.”

You know what else I have learned?

You should engage in activities that promote positive thoughts. That could be anything from a favorite physical activity to a hobby to meditation to prayer.

Andrea also has two techniques she utilizes regularly to maintain a positive frame of mind:
• “Running clears my mind and lets me refocus.”
• “I talk with my husband and my son every night. We each say at least two positive things that happened to us during the day. Of course, we talk about the negatives too, but we always finish with, ‘what did we learn from this and what positive came from it or how can we make it positive?’”

Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, a former writer, psychologist, and professor at Yale University, studied depression in women. She said, “The main thing is to get your mind off your ruminations for a time so they die out and don’t have a grip on your mind.”

In the book Energy of Happiness, Brigitte Bartley says, “Feed your mind with positive thoughts to effectively start a new day of positive thinking. If you start and end each day with gratitude, you will find new meaning to life.”

Have a wonderful holiday, enjoy your family and friends, and don’t forget to Pause.

If you like these tips, there’s so much more that you can read about in my books that are both available on Kindle, What Is A Peace Chest? and How Do You Build A Peace Chest?

Are you interested in learning more about how to resolve a conflict?What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 Wimbledons Conflict Management Story

Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

Conflict Sucks

Posted By on December 3rd

A few days ago, I woke up and saw a headline that screamed at me: “Divorce Sucks”.

The story is about the Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton divorce. Cosmopolitan magazine interviewed Miranda Lambert, and the headline is her quote. Lambert explained, “Some of that might mean nights on my porch crying, drinking whiskey, and going ‘Man, this sucks right now.’”

We can expand on Lambert’s idea, and generally say that conflict sucks.

Watch my video on this topic

Watch my video on this topic

In Chapter 1 of my book, Does Every Divorce Need a Shark?, I talk about exactly how Lambert is feeling. Psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross created the five stages of grief, which is actually an attempt to understand emotional responses to trauma. Others have contributed to Kubler-Ross’ ideas over the years, and the stages are now identified as:

  1. shock and denial,
  2. anger,
  3. bargaining,
  4. depression, and
  5. understanding and acceptance.

Do you know what I’ve found? Kubler-Ross’ ideas are transferable to other less serious traumas, and apply in understanding responses to all conflict.

Lambert shows that she is in the understanding/acceptance stage, and she also understands the value of a positive attitude. She says, “I have a great launching pad for the future. I will never take that for granted.”

Do you know what else I’ve found?

Having a positive attitude, knowing that the conflict is going to end, is an important approach. Keep reminding yourself to maintain a positive attitude.

You must do two important things for any time you find yourself in conflict.

  1. Rely upon your strong support network, and
  2. Maintain or start healthy and wellness habits.

If you like these tips, there’s so much more that you can read about in my books that are both available on Kindle, What Is A Peace Chest? and How Do You Build A Peace Chest?

Are you interested in learning more about how to resolve a conflict?What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 Wimbledons Conflict Management Story

Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

How Do You Manage Conflict During the Holidays?

Posted By on November 25th

It’s Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Your family is rolling in town or you may be headed out of town.

How do you manage conflict during the holidays? What tips, techniques, and strategies do you rely upon when Aunt Sally is telling you they you’re doing it wrong? Learn my one piece of advice, and it’s easy to do!

Periscope photo

Live on Periscope!

I have one holiday message for you so you can get through the weekend without conflict: Pause.

That’s right; Pause. Take a moment when you’re in the midst of holiday insanity to remove yourself from the opinions, sniping, and disagreements. Take a walk. Close your eyes for 5 minutes. Check out www.Calm.com.

Do you know what I’ve learned? Let other people have their way. Let them think they won. It will preserve your sanity and keep you focused on the thankful part of Thanksgiving. Acknowledge that it is ok to have feelings about the situation. It is within your power to decide not to have negative thoughts, and to decide not to let negative feelings dictate how you respond.

You’re not changing yourself for the other person – you’re changing for you.

If you’d rather be right instead of finding ways to resolve the conflict, you’re in for a bumpy, exhausting, stressful ride.

I even made a fool of myself on Periscope to share this subject! Check out my video, and leave some comments. Let me know what takeaways you have, and what tips you rely upon.

Have a great Thanksgiving!

Taylor Swift Taught Me Something About Relationships

Posted By on November 6th

My 14-year-old daughter tells me that most of her friends attended the recent Taylor Swift concert, and they all LoVEd it. I overheard adults also talking about what a wonderful experience they had for themselves and with their child.

It turns out that Taylor is more than just uber talented and hard working. She understands the importance of relationships with her fans (her customers) AND her co-workers (the people who help her customers receive the best experience of their lives). Taylor Swift taught me something about relationships.

Photo from Taylor Swift Twitter account @taylorswift13

Photo from Taylor Swift Twitter account @taylorswift13

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This article does a great job articulating how Taylor does it. It’s all part of her brand, her marketing. And it appears that it’s totally authentic.

I shared the article with some of my friends, and a common response was that they see her as portraying a good balance of being assertive and cooperative, which is something I educate a lot of people about. (If you want a copy of my Assertive and Cooperative personalities chart, just message me by email, on Facebook, or on Twitter. I’m happy to share!)

Another theme my friends recognized is that Taylor clearly understands her own values system, and her actions stay true to her values.

Here are my relationship building takeaways from the article (you should still read the article):

  • Build a happy and friendly team. The author writes that everybody that works for Taylor is friendly and happy to be there. “They are a reflection of Taylor and her intentional culture.” My friend, Judy, articulated this wonderfully and succinctly, by saying, “A leader’s success depends a great deal upon how their team is supported, encouraged, and comforted.”
  • Connect on a personal level with everyone you meet, even when there is no financial incentive. “When Taylor is with you, she is with you.”
  • Get closer to your customers. “Taylor wanted to give as many people as possible a front row experience.”
  • Be intentional and thoughtful in showing others that you value their time, their loyalty, and their support. Spend time with them. According to the author, in a small meet and greet setting, Taylor spent “no less than five minutes with each (fan).”

If you like these tips, there’s so much more that you can read about in my books that are both available on Kindle, What Is A Peace Chest? and How Do You Build A Peace Chest?

Are you interested in learning more about how to resolve a conflict?What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 Wimbledons Conflict Management Story

Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

Faced With Adversity?

Posted By on October 26th

What do you do if you have a product that will literally change the world, and you have no money to bring it to market?

We all know the feelings of quitting. Staring at something for a long time hoping an answer will come. Praying for divine intervention. Pacing. Sleepless nights.

Easton LaChapelle had those feelings too, but if you are Easton Lachapelle, you don’t quit; you get creative. Faced with adversity? Find a new way.

Easton LaChapelle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Easton’s story about how, as a teenager, he built a new prosthesis is amazing. You can read about it here. His work is changing the robotics landscape.

What is even more amazing is how Easton developed this product without having the money to manufacture it and to navigate the FDA approval process. He relied upon a friend’s 3-D printer, he salvaged motors, and he bought necessary parts at Walmart. He got creative. He found a new way.

In your own world, instead of saying “I can’t”, say, “I haven’t done it yet”. Find a new way.

Are you interested in learning more about how to resolve a conflict?What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 Wimbledons Conflict Management Story

Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

Jennifer Lawrence Talks About Her Negotiation Mistakes

Posted By on October 22nd

Jennifer Lawrence has been in the news talking about the mistakes she made during the negotiation for her part in the movie, American Hustle. I explore the lessons we can learn from Lawrence’s statements in this video.


If you would like a copy of the Assertive & Cooperative personalities chart that I talk about in the video, I’d be happy to send it to you. Understanding the balance between being assertive and cooperative in a negotiation is critically important.

Please contact me at Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com to let me know if you have any takeaways from this video. For more videos on negotiation, collaboration, and managing conflict, check out my YouTube channel.

Are you interested in learning more about how to resolve a conflict?

Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

How Do Managers Resolve A Conflict?

Posted By on September 3rd

Work relationships, like family relationships, can sometimes have challenges, which then lead to conflict. How do managers resolve a conflict?

Without resolving the conflict, effects can linger, resentment grows, and work suffers.  Today, managers are seeking alternative conflict resolution solutions to manage their employees’ conflict.

Managers should try following my PEACE format:

  • P – Pause
  • EA – Ear (listen)
  • C – Create Strategy
  • E – Engage the Conflict

Peacemaker bulletin board




















Pause:
You should never immediately react to the conflict that is unfolding. You have to determine your proper response. As a leader, a manager needs to remain impartial. A manager shouldn’t show any sort of opinion that would appear to favor one side over the other.

Pause does not mean to avoid. The issue must be addressed immediately.  Without this, the situation could escalate and/or linger, and even spread to other employees.

Ear (Listen): In order to effectively manage a conflict, you have to understand what is in conflict from the both employees’ perspectives. A manager should simply listen to all parties involved to completely understand the issue before troubleshooting solutions.

Create Strategy: Before you take action to manage a conflict, you need a strategy based on your understanding of both employees’ wants, needs, and interests. You have to decide how you want to respond so that you defuse the emotions and propose solutions that address everybody’s wants, needs, and interests.

Engage the Conflict: When you begin to engage the conflict, do so in a way that follows through on the strategy you created. Don’t lose focus because of the emotions. Your goal is to respond in a way that reduces the tension and anger, reframes the discussion, and puts the situation into its proper perspective.

You should be able to follow these techniques successfully within your company’s regulations and policies.

Are you interested in learning more about how to resolve a conflict?What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 Wimbledons Conflict Management Story

Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

Can Creating Conflict Ever Be Good?

Posted By on August 26th

Can creating conflict ever be good? Let’s deconstruct Donald Trump’s run for President as a case study. (This is not a political commentary.)

Photo Credit: Gage Skidmore via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: Gage Skidmore via Compfight cc

Trump is the kind of guy who says whatever he wants when he wants without concern for others people’s feelings. This is an interesting test of what the general US population will support. As a leader, Trump is causing conflict among the ranks? Is that okay?

Trump obviously has a base of support. There are people who think that he is saying what needs to be said, and they like him because he’s not apologizing for his views. Trump has stated he has freedom to say whatever he wants.

In an opinion piece in The Blaze, Susan Calloway Knowles referred to Trump as a “release valve for fed up Americans who have been unable to voice their own opinions”. She wrote, “He has become the voice of many who have reluctantly remained silent because they fear losing everything they own.”

On the other hand, Sen. Marco Rubio, who is running against Trump, responded to Trump’s statements about Mexican immigrants with a different perspective. Rubio called the statements “not just offensive and inaccurate, but also divisive.”

So, which is it? Is Trump uniting the majority or dividing the majority? Or is it sort of both? Is Trump representing the majority AND dividing the country at the same time? So far, Trump is polling well as a Republican candidate. There’s a theory that people are tapping into Trump’s persona because it represents strength, confidence, and authority. Meg Mott, a professor of politics and gender studies at Marlboro College, says, “In the Spanish-speaking world, this type of leader is known as a Caudillo, the man on horseback who takes out the bad guys and leads his people to safety. He’s rough and he doesn’t care about fine things like legal rights, but that very roughness means he can get things done.”

Trump’s attitude and perspective have certainly served him well as a businessman when you are measuring financial success. However, can he be successful uniting the country?

The most successful leaders find a way to say what needs to be said while also uniting people. There are polls that suggest although Trump is polling well in the Republican party, he is not placed well for the general election. Maybe Trump’s popularity is a reflection of the frustrated, silent masses, but can he speak on their behalf while also uniting a country? He’s not showing that so far.

Conflict can force people to have discussions that are being avoided, but that’s not enough. Beyond discussion, there has to be solutions. As Trump’s campaign moves along, we’ll see if he’s the type of leader that can only tear down or successfully rebuild also.

Are you interested in learning more about how to resolve a conflict?What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 Wimbledons Conflict Management Story

Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

What do you do when you’re about to get into an argument?

Posted By on August 19th

What do you do when you’re about to get into an argument?

How do you put the brakes on, and steer the conflict into a different direction?

I recently had a discussion with Erica Castner about conflict management on her podcast, Proclamation of Persistence. I love that Erica picked up on a main point of mine, which is “pause”. Unfortunately, most of us react to the conflict in front of us without realizing the level of our negative thoughts and feelings. We react negatively, and then our behavior leads to another negative event, many times anger or even violence.

Erica showed me that she totally gets my message when she concluded the podcast by saying, “We have got to be more strategic in the way we are communicating with other people, and do our best to understand the other person’s perspective…We want to take a step back and be reflective.”

That is a great overview of why you should pause.

I also think it was awesome when Erica showed an understanding of her priorities. “I want to hang on to my relationships and to honor my words.”

You can listen to the whole podcast below, and remember the value of pausing.

Austrian psychiatrist Viktor Frankl once said: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.” Give yourself that space.


Proclamation of Persistence: The Busy Professionals’ Guide to Triumph & Success with Keith Grossman. Hosted by Erica Castner.

 


 
If you would like to learn more about Erica Castner, check out her website: www.TheQueenOfResults.com

Are you interested in learning more about how to resolve a conflict?What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 Wimbledons Conflict Management Story

Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.

 

Resolve A Conflict By Breaking It Into Pieces

Posted By on April 2nd

Overwhelmed. Too many projects. Too many tasks. Not enough time. These challenges put us outside of our comfort zone, and we have to find a way to work through them.

Conflict is typically outside our comfort zone also, so we have to work through it just like other circumstances that overwhelm us. You can find ways to resolve a conflict by breaking it into pieces instead of fixating on the conflict as a whole.

Identify what the pieces are so you can focus on them one at at time. Then start working with that first piece, and don’t procrastinate. We don’t like conflict, and we try to avoid it. That’s common, so you have to take action to not let that happen. Commit to addressing a piece of the conflict for 30 seconds or even a minute. Don’t focus on finding the ultimate solution. Start with small steps to begin repairing the relationship. Don’t worry about all the things you need to do to resolve the conflict. Starting something to begin resolving the conflict is the only thing that matters. Just focus on starting.

Once you get started, ideas will start to flow.

Are you interested in learning more about how to resolve a conflict?What Is a Peace Chest book cover 500 201x300 Wimbledons Conflict Management Story

Email me: Keith@AttorneyGrossman.com, or call me toll free at (877) 687-1392 or locally at (239) 210-7516.

Your initial consultation is free!

Interested in discovering how to improve your conflict management skills? Purchase my e-workbook available on Kindle: What Is A Peace Chest?

The workbook is the first in the “Building Your Peace Chest” series. It will help you understand how to engage conflict with a purpose and goals rather than reacting.